Well, fuck me.

(I have said before that I swear, haven't I? Well, I do.)

Anyways... today was the day of the big interview, and I wasn't as nervous as I have been for some, but not as laid back as others either. I met the other candidates, who really knew their stuff, and had a tour of the educational establishment, as well as a look at the new building.

Afterwards, we each had a little test on using Excel and Word, and Google(!) and other twaddle, and then we had our interviews... which I couldn't help but think I talked too much during, and repeatedly repeated myself myself, but all done now.

One other candidate in particular was right on the button, and internally judging them, I could tell that he would be the sort of person for the job. After we finished, I cheekily asked him for a lift, and got his impressions. I told him that I felt he was the strongest there, so convinced was I that it would be his. He is that good, and was already doing a similar role for less money at another location.

So I get home (about half an hour ago) and the phone rings. Here it comes, the dreaded rejection.

But, lo! What is this?

Why, they only want to give me the bloody job! Hur-fucking-rah! Can I start mid April? Yes! Can we pay you more to work for us? Yes! Can you look after two floors of a brand-spanking new building? Yes!

What's more, I got 100% in that silly test. The only candidate who did. Well, as I said, fuck me.

Bugger.

Today I had the meeting. You know the one. It's when the new owner of the company comes down to introduce himself, meet everyone, and have a chat about roles in the company, and to make you redundant.

Like Paul said a few weeks ago, I'm technically "at risk" but we all know what that means, especially since no one else is.

So maybe this will make me get off my lazy ass and get a better job. Maybe not. Either way, it's come as a surprise, and yet not - truth be told, I'm surprised it didn't happen months ago... though logically I can see why they wouldn't want to do that for the transition period either.

I want to keep typing to let it all off my chest, but really just one word sums it up...






Fuck.

Watch This Space.

We are going to receive an "update" this afternoon from the Chairman. We all know what this usually means, so here's... not really caring actually.

On another (more positive) note, isn't it interesting how the muse strikes? As I drove into work this mornig, I was thinking of how I haven't written anything lately, and that I really should. I plumped for writing a children's story, as I haven't written on before and I think it would be interesting. I started to name the characters, and even came up with a respectable storyline.

But I got stuck with one character, a Dormouse I think he was. I didn't know what to call him at all, and so I chose Timber - I really don't know why, as it bore no relation to his character at all, except that he may have lived in a tree.

By the time I had arrived at work I had completely forgotten the earlier story (nope... still got no idea, it'll never come back now) and instead had a complete synopsis for an entirely different story about an entirely different Timber.

I've written the first little bit which you can read below, and booked Monday off work. I'll write the rest then, and post it in my blog. Apologies as the below is very rough, even by my standards, and it will undoubtedly change by Monday. Enjoy!


TIMBER
BY PETER BANCROFT

It was Sally’s birthday, and her Grandfather had promised to give her something extra special this year. He took her down to the little shed at the bottom of the garden, and lifted her up so that she could sit down on top of an old table, where she could see everything he was doing.

Sally watched as her Grandfather filled a little brown pot up with soil, and held it in front of her. “Make a big hole in here with your thumb,” he told her, and she did. Her Grandfather then took a little acorn out of his pocket and gave it to her. “Now put this in the hole, and push it all the way down.”

Sally took the acorn, and pushed it all the way into the hole. Her Grandfather then filled in the hole with a little more soil, and watered it with a little watering can.

“This is your present, Sally. This little acorn will grow and grow until it’s big and strong like you will be. When it’s big enough, we’ll plant it outside in a special garden for you, where you can always come and see your tree.”

Sally came to visit her grandfather every week, and every week they looked at her little tree. They watched as from the soil slowly came a little green shoot reach upwards, getting ever-so slowly taller and taller.

One day, her Grandfather told her that it was now big enough to plant outside and Sally help to choose a place at the end of the garden where her tree could go. “What do you think now?” asked her Grandfather.

“I think I’ll call him Timber,” said Sally.

Sally’s Grandfather laughed. “Don’t be silly,” he said, “People don’t name trees.”

“Of course they do,” said Sally. “And my one is called Timber.”

“Then Timber he shall be.” Sally’s Grandfather took her inside, and they sat in the kitchen by a little window where they could see Timber wave gently in the breeze, as they ate fruit cake and drank lemonade.

Bah, grumble, bah.

Hey, Kouros, you have a new job!

Woo!

But we're probably going to be making you redundant anyway.

Budget the little helicopter.

Yay! My proposal was accepted (yes, I did put some effort into it... while I didn't want to be given yet another dead end role, I also didn't want to appear incompetant). I also have money to spend on the website! Hurrah! And it's quite a lot actually.

And my first act in my new position is to (wait for it...) book a trip to Orange! The more things change, the more they stay the same. At least this way I get to partake in two (yes, count them, two) Xmas office parties, with the MD and Chairman at both of them.

How happy am I? Ecstatic.

Website.

Kouros, you know that website we launched a few months ago?

The one that doesn't actually do anything?

Yes. Well, we think it should actually do something now to build our income with a value-added service.

Oh, good.

And we'd quite like you to look after it.

But... I'm not a web designer...

Yes, well we think it would be a good project management exercise.

OK, that's fine. Does the site have any sort of content management system?

Not really.

Do we have anyone in house who can rewrite the site to encorporate the changes?

No.

Do I have a budget to hire anyone?

No. Can I have your project proposal tomorrow please?

Toad in the Hole.

"Good afternoon, XYZ Publ..."

"Yes. I'd like to buy some toads in holes."

"I'm sorry, but we are a publishing company, and do not produce food items."

"Then why was I given your number?"

"I'm afraid I cannot answer that, as I do not know. Who passed the number to you, and I'll be sure to let them know?"

"Where can I buy a toad in a hole?"

"I don't know, sorry."

"Well aren't you going to find out for me?"

"No. Good bye now."

*click*

It's been a long day.

Reply.

I probably shouldn't post customer emails on my blog, but what the hell. I responded to Calendar Girl, and got a reply... (EDIT: My response first, in blue)

Thank you for your email, and for your interest in our products. I do hope that you will accept my apologies for any inconvenience that your concerns may have caused.

All of our Calendars follow the international standard ISO 8601, which is an international standard for date and time representations.

We do of course appreciate that in various locations across the world, different people see the week as starting and ending on different days. For example, in some countries, such as Iran, the week is considered to start on a Saturday. Of course, as you correctly point out, in many countries Sunday is seen as the start of the week, as the Sabbath takes place on Saturday.

We follow the ISO and European tradition of the week starting on a Monday in order to provide consistency within the agreed standards.

If you would like to learn more about ISO 8601, please visit the ISO website, at http://www.iso.org/iso/en/prods-services/popstds/datesandtime.html

Thank you again for your interest in our products, and for contacting us on this issue.

Her response...

Thankyou for your very prompt and courteous reply and the information on the website of the ISO 8601. Having read the content of the website I feel very saddened and dispondant that the world is taking this step. The implecations and consequences and indeed ramifications go beyond words. Mankind is sinking deeper into the abyss. Thankyou again and may God bless you and your family over Christmas and into the new year.

PS Thankfully we live in the year of Our Lord, AD 2006, of which the world acknowleges from His birthdate, even if they dont want to agree with it. He is soverign. Amen.

Days of our Lives.

An email sent to your friendly neighbourhood Kouros (speeling mastikes not mine)...

Dear XYZ Publishing,

Recently I received one of your calanders (Britain 07) as a gift. Thought you may be interested to be informed that the first day of the week is SUNDAY. Perhaps you can amend this state of ignorance as it has rendered this calander useless.

There are various reasons why most calendars start on Monday and not Sunday... but we all of course work to our own internal week structure. My week starts on a Monday, because that's when I wake up and have to start being a grown up again.

Christians, Jews and Muslims often see Sunday as the start of the week, Saturday being the sabbath. Oddly, apparently Iranians see the start of the week as Saturday, their weekend consisting of Friday.

When does your week start?

Christmas Cards.

*phone rings, and your friendly neighbourhood Kouros answers it*

"Good afternoon, XYZ Publishing"

"Hello, yes. I wonder if you could send me a Christmas Card?"

"I'm sorry, we only publish guidebooks to places like..."

"Yes, I know. I bought one from you last year, and it was very good. I wonder if you can send me a Christmas Card to say thank you?"

"..."