Not so Hurrah.

OK... Like in any good meeting, apologies first.

I haven't had the opportunity to blog since I've been back, so sorry for that. Things have been, well, somewhat odd. The holiday blog will follow, but not until this weekend.

My first day back, Tuesday, consisted of a drive in with a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. A sense of foreboding if you will. I had images in my mind of arriving at work to be advised that I had been made redundant. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not really all that convenient either.

I walked into the office to face utter silence. No laughter like normal, no phones rang, and no one acknowledged my presence for a few moments... Not a good start. Was the redundancy coming my way?

Turns out while I had been away, we had had some news. The board had been approached with a bid from an unspecified consortium to buy out the company - I knew about this before I left - but now we were being told it had been rejected. Cause for celebration? Not really.

All performance related salary rises had been put on hold while the bid was in progress. They have now been put on hold for a further six months. This is in addition to the previous twelve months while the company went through a "rocky" patch.

My colleague, Debby, has announced she has been offered a new job, and has accepted - this is great news. I am delighted for her, and I am not just writing that to look good, I really am pleased for her. She was underpaid and under respected.

However, this causes a problem for me as she is not going to be replaced. I do not mean this in a "we will never find anyone as good as Debby" way. The company has decided that they are not going to hire anyone to replace her.

In essence that means that a department that once had eight people in it now just has three as various other people have been replaced, quit, or made redundant in the last few months. Within my sector this has dwindled from four people just three years ago, down to one person looking after all book sales, cash sales, sundry sales, marketing distribution, consignment accounts, agent commission and warehousing. That one person is me.

To say I'm not happy is an understatement. Today I had a chat with AP (whom I have blogged about before - great girl, and it's not her fault) basically laying down my cards. I see no long term future with the company. I will continue to give my 100% while I am there, but be it in one months time or twenty-four, one day I will leave.

I feel betrayed. I joined the company being told I was on a graduate training scheme, but three years later I am still inputting orders and answering telephones in the same customer services role I was effectively in thirty-six months ago. I have been given so many promises, yet only now I realise that none of them have been fulfilled. I was told I would get the chance to work in editorial when the opportunity arose - the chief editor found a suitable role for me, and wants me to work there, but she has been turned down time and again.

I feel betrayed.

I have been given projects to manage. But not the time to manage it in, only to see them taken away and given to a consultancy firm who charge twice as much as my annual wage per year each month. Give me the opportunity, and I could do what they do with twice as much pazazz, but time isn't unlimited.

I feel betrayed.

I have been complemented time after time for my customer care but never once given a pay rise or promotion.

I feel betrayed.

And today I learn I will be moving backwards - any interesting aspect of my job will now be taken away from me, while I struggle to maintain the workload of two. I will be little more than an overpaid answering machine and data input device. I have been told as much as that I will not be made redundant, as I am too vital - but not vital enough than to be any more than a nut on a cog.

I have been betrayed.