Purloined.

See Stu.

1. Ever been given an engagement ring?
No

2. Longest friendship?
Probably about ten years with Simon. Lost track though, feel bad about that.

3. Last gift you received?
A keyring with a picture of me on it.

4. How many times have you dropped your cell?
All the time.

5. When’s the last time you worked out?
If swimming or cycling counts, two days ago.

6. Thing you spend a lot of money on?
How much is a "lot"? Mortgage doesn't really count for me, it's just a bill. Maybe my Satnav or last years holiday.

7. Last food you ate?
Grilled ciabatta with cheese and mushrooms.

8. First thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Fingernails, then wedding ring.

9. One favourite song?
Too many. Maybe "Peace Train" by Cat Stevens, maybe something else.

10. Where do you live?
Romsey, UK

11. Cell phone service provider?
Vodafone

12. Favourite mall store?
Anything with a door that leads out. I get claustrophobic in those places.

13. Longest job ever had?
Current job, 3.8 years.

14. Do you own a pair of dice?
Yes. I went through a Dice Man phase, which I now regret.

15. Do you prank call people?
No.

16. Last wedding attended?
Helen and Gavin.

17. First friend you’d call if you won the lottery?
Ween.

18. Last time you attended church?
Attended church, I don't know. Went into a church last May.

19. How old are you?
24

20. Biggest lie you have heard?
"no one in [Iran] should be persecuted because of his or her religious beliefs" - President Khatami

21. What do you want to drive?
I'd much rather not.

22. Where’s your favourite place to eat with friends?
Home.

23. Can you cook?
Yes. I love cooking, and I love to make something new, even if I make a mess of it.

24. What car do you drive?
2001 VW Polo

25. Best kisser?
John. Long story.

26. Last time you cried?
Not sure I can remember actually.

27. Most disliked food?
Mussels. Actually, I love mussels, but I had a bad one once and now they make me go bleurgh.

28. Thing you like most about yourself?
My hair just after it's been cut.

29. Thing you dislike most about yourself?
My hair when it's getting longer and going greasy.

30. Longest shift you have worked at a job?
I don't really pay attention to hours, and don't work shifts anyway. If I'm there and something has to be done, I'll do it, unless I should be somewhere else.

31. Favourite movie?
Usually the last decent film I've seen. Currently it's The Woodsman, but it could equally be Nightwatch, or La Haine, or Signs, or Escape from New York. No, really, that Escape from New York... it's good!

32. Can you sing?
Ish.

33. Last concert?
Never been to one.

34. Last kiss?
This morning.

35. What colour are your eyes?
Hazelly.

36. Who knows your darkest secret?
A very nice Baptist girl.

37. Last movie rented?
Probably Saw.

38. Thing you never leave home without?
Shoe-horn.

39. Favourite vacation spot?
Although I don't like flying, I've really fallen in love with Sicily. I want to go back.

40. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes.

42. Is your room clean?
Yes, but it wouldn't be if Ween wasn't here to make me tidy up after myself.

43. Laptop or desktop computer?
One desktop, one defunct laptop, one new laptop on it's way sometime in the first quarter.

44. Favourite comedian?
Lee Evans.

45. Do you smoke?
No. The smell utterly disgusts me.

46. Sleep with or without clothes?
Without.

47. Who sleeps with you every night?
Ween.

48. Long distance relationships work?
They can, but sometimes if you think it will, you would find a reason for the distance not to be there.

49. How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
Three times, no points, no tickets, one breathalyser, one person locked in the boot of my car.

50. Pancakes or French toast?
French toast.

51. Do you like coffee?
No.

52. How do you like your eggs?
"In the basket"

53. Do you believe in astrology?
No.

54. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Bondage body-bag John.

55. Last person on your missed call list?
As above.

56. What was the last text message you received?
No idea, and I'm not going to go find my phone to look, so this will have to remain unknown.

57. McDonalds or Burger King?
Neither. What? You want to die before 40?

58. Number of pillows?
2.

59. What are you wearing right now?
Slippers, Socks, Boxers, Jeans, two jumpers.

60. Pick a lyric, any lyric or song?
It's not like you'd never seen a monkey in rollerblades and dungerees before

61. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
What's one of those?

62. Can you play pool?
Yes.

63. Do you know how to swim?
Yes.

64. Favourite ice cream?

Mint Choc Chip

65. Do you like maps?
Yes, if I'm not driving.

66. Tell me a random fact about yourself?
My birthmark is on my ankle.

67. Do you do drugs?
Wine is a drug, yeah? Yes, I do drugs.

68. Ever attend a theme party?
Yes. Used to do this every Christmas. Sadly after a few divorces and children (i.e., people growing up) this has ceased to occur. I miss it.

69. What is your favourite season?
Autumn.

70. Last time you laughed at something stupid?
You mean like my cat, just now, when it fell out of our tree? That kind of stupid? OK... just then.

71. What time did you wake up this morning?
8.10

72. Best thing about winter?
People who don't pay attention on the road tend to cease to be on it for very long.

73. Last time a cop gave you a ticket?
Not ever had one.

74. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?
Bungee jumping.

75. Name of your first pet?
Top Cat!

76. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated?
Overrated. What?

77. What are you doing this weekend?
Making food.

78. Who’s your best friend?
Ween.

79. What is the third letter of your name?
t

80. How old are your pets?
Dunno. They were all strays.

81. What colour is your backpack?
Blue.

82. Are you sick?
You ask me this after you let me fuck your dog?

84. Is the bathroom open?
Yeah, help yourself.

87. Are you smiling?
I am now.

88. Do you have on eye-liner?
No.

89. Do you miss someone right now?
Yes, lots of people. I should get out more.

90. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
Taormina.

91. Do you have a Myspace?
No.

92. Are you in high school?
No.

93. Do you have a crush?
No.

94. What is your favourite nickname for yourself?
I quite like Kouros, because I chose it, but my all-time favourite is "Quiche"

95. What colour is your bathing suit?
Blue.

96. What’s your favourite brand of water?
Why oh why oh why does this question even pop into someone's head?

97. Did you go on vacation last month?
No.

98. Have you ever been on a cruise?
No.

99. Do you have a sister?
Yes, two of them. Just so that you don't get any ideas, they both look like me.

100. Are you upstairs?
Yes.

Lies, Damned Lies and Children's Stories.

I really should learn not to give myself deadlines, shouldn't I?

OK, so Timber isn't here yet to share with y'all, so have a quick blog about my day instead. I haven't been out on my bike in a while, so figured it was about time to get some practice in.

I figured it would be nice to find a route to work, and at least do part of that journey to see how it goes. The rough course can be found here. Those of you who know where I live and work will realise there is a bit missing of the start, and a sizeable bit from the end. The route takes me about midway to work (Stockbridge) and there is about two miles missing from the start, so the route I did today was seven miles.

It took me an hour and a half. That's not very good, is it?

It was as muddy as sin, and a hard slog the whole way. Damned nice scenery to look at though, and much more entertaining that a normal drive. I just wish I didn't get a puncture on the way back. Bah!

A three hour commute, assuming that I am correct in saying that it is midway in traveling time, really isn't a very good idea. Maybe I'll have to find another way, and one that isn't so muddy in winter. Good fun though!

Rollercoaster.

That's all over then: I have a job afterall. At least until after Christmas.

Watch This Space.

We are going to receive an "update" this afternoon from the Chairman. We all know what this usually means, so here's... not really caring actually.

On another (more positive) note, isn't it interesting how the muse strikes? As I drove into work this mornig, I was thinking of how I haven't written anything lately, and that I really should. I plumped for writing a children's story, as I haven't written on before and I think it would be interesting. I started to name the characters, and even came up with a respectable storyline.

But I got stuck with one character, a Dormouse I think he was. I didn't know what to call him at all, and so I chose Timber - I really don't know why, as it bore no relation to his character at all, except that he may have lived in a tree.

By the time I had arrived at work I had completely forgotten the earlier story (nope... still got no idea, it'll never come back now) and instead had a complete synopsis for an entirely different story about an entirely different Timber.

I've written the first little bit which you can read below, and booked Monday off work. I'll write the rest then, and post it in my blog. Apologies as the below is very rough, even by my standards, and it will undoubtedly change by Monday. Enjoy!


TIMBER
BY PETER BANCROFT

It was Sally’s birthday, and her Grandfather had promised to give her something extra special this year. He took her down to the little shed at the bottom of the garden, and lifted her up so that she could sit down on top of an old table, where she could see everything he was doing.

Sally watched as her Grandfather filled a little brown pot up with soil, and held it in front of her. “Make a big hole in here with your thumb,” he told her, and she did. Her Grandfather then took a little acorn out of his pocket and gave it to her. “Now put this in the hole, and push it all the way down.”

Sally took the acorn, and pushed it all the way into the hole. Her Grandfather then filled in the hole with a little more soil, and watered it with a little watering can.

“This is your present, Sally. This little acorn will grow and grow until it’s big and strong like you will be. When it’s big enough, we’ll plant it outside in a special garden for you, where you can always come and see your tree.”

Sally came to visit her grandfather every week, and every week they looked at her little tree. They watched as from the soil slowly came a little green shoot reach upwards, getting ever-so slowly taller and taller.

One day, her Grandfather told her that it was now big enough to plant outside and Sally help to choose a place at the end of the garden where her tree could go. “What do you think now?” asked her Grandfather.

“I think I’ll call him Timber,” said Sally.

Sally’s Grandfather laughed. “Don’t be silly,” he said, “People don’t name trees.”

“Of course they do,” said Sally. “And my one is called Timber.”

“Then Timber he shall be.” Sally’s Grandfather took her inside, and they sat in the kitchen by a little window where they could see Timber wave gently in the breeze, as they ate fruit cake and drank lemonade.

Bah, grumble, bah.

Hey, Kouros, you have a new job!

Woo!

But we're probably going to be making you redundant anyway.

In The News.

We've all heard the news about the serial killer in Suffolk. I do not dispute that this is an awful series of events, and the sooner the culprit is found and this is stopped, the better. Unconditionally I feel truly sorry for the families of the victims, and naturally for the victims themselves.

However, I was concerned by a discussion on the radio this morning. The debate centred around whether or not is was appropriate for the media to refer to the victims as prostitutes, as the term undermines them and does not reflect that they were real people, with real families, and lives outside of their "work". Instead, it was argued, they should be referred to as a sex worker.

I'm not a big fan of the media in this country, but for once I found myself on their side. If my understanding is correct, someone who solicits and accepts payment in return for giving sexual satisfaction to their clients is a prositute. This is different to a porn actress, adult store clerk, lap dancer, or some other "sex worker" as there is a direct connection between the worker, and the result; in other words, they prostitute themselves, not an image of themselves or from a distance, or some product or other.

Now let me be clear - this wasn't a perjorative term being used such as nigger, cracker, whore, or whatever, but a term that has recognition in the law of the land, regardless whether the individuals used it themselves.

As a side point, if the killer appeared to be targeting entirely bank clerks (this was argued in the debate) then the media would most likely point this out. Would this undermine the memory of the people involved? Well, no... largely because this role isn't outside of societal norms.

Should one be offended that these girls were prostitutes? Maybe we should be, but we should still refer to them as such, for that is what they were. Maybe we should be offended that there is someone out there who has decided that killing girls is a good course of action to take to solve the 'problem', and just maybe we should be offended that the problem exists in the first place. Maybe we should be offended that they found that life to be the solution to their own problems, or despite them, or because of them.

Covering something untasteful with a more respectable name helps nobody in particular. Sometimes the undermining is not done by a label, or by how they are remembered, but by the actions of the person themselves.

Budget the little helicopter.

Yay! My proposal was accepted (yes, I did put some effort into it... while I didn't want to be given yet another dead end role, I also didn't want to appear incompetant). I also have money to spend on the website! Hurrah! And it's quite a lot actually.

And my first act in my new position is to (wait for it...) book a trip to Orange! The more things change, the more they stay the same. At least this way I get to partake in two (yes, count them, two) Xmas office parties, with the MD and Chairman at both of them.

How happy am I? Ecstatic.

Website.

Kouros, you know that website we launched a few months ago?

The one that doesn't actually do anything?

Yes. Well, we think it should actually do something now to build our income with a value-added service.

Oh, good.

And we'd quite like you to look after it.

But... I'm not a web designer...

Yes, well we think it would be a good project management exercise.

OK, that's fine. Does the site have any sort of content management system?

Not really.

Do we have anyone in house who can rewrite the site to encorporate the changes?

No.

Do I have a budget to hire anyone?

No. Can I have your project proposal tomorrow please?

Toad in the Hole.

"Good afternoon, XYZ Publ..."

"Yes. I'd like to buy some toads in holes."

"I'm sorry, but we are a publishing company, and do not produce food items."

"Then why was I given your number?"

"I'm afraid I cannot answer that, as I do not know. Who passed the number to you, and I'll be sure to let them know?"

"Where can I buy a toad in a hole?"

"I don't know, sorry."

"Well aren't you going to find out for me?"

"No. Good bye now."

*click*

It's been a long day.

Today, I'm Most Angry About:

(Sorry DoGGa, had to pinch your thing)

Today, I'm Most Angry About:
People who stand outside health centre entrances smoking. I go there for a swim, thank you very much, not to come out feeling all good about myself only to breathe in your acrid fumes.

Just because you are so fat, lazy, and wish to die in such an insignificant amount of time that while you drop your sweet little'un off for her dance class it doesn't occur to you to do some exercise yourself it doesn't mean that I, equally, want to share in the sweet, sweet smell of your own demise.*

Failing that, I'll wait outside when you come to pick up your cherub, and spit red wine on you. See how you like it.

Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 6/10 On the whole, I'm not an angry person (though my blog may suggest otherwise). I'm quite surprised how much this made me fume.



* Yes, I appreciate the irony. I'm trying to give up the booze, honest.

Ouch.

And this is the car in the light of day. I wouldn't want to be the owner, poor sod. From a selfish point of view, I hope they move it quick mind. 

Holy Mother of Shit!

And we thought we lived in such a nice area... OK, not great, but not terrible either. We are occasionally woken in the early hours by drunken folk stumbling home, losing their way and having the odd argument, but that's about it.

Oh, and Annie who runs the shop, who is far too cheerful by half at five a.m.

So, anyway. Woken this morning by two guys shouting outside. All I could make out was "Fuck...fuck...police! Fuck!" and assuming it was just another drunken argument, I tried to get back to sleep.

And then... Bang... BANG!

Oh, dear. He's been shot! Someone has been shot outside my house, and they're going to die. And then I tried to get back to sleep again. Does that make me a bad person?

But still I could hear the same two voices. Curiosity got the better of me, and I looked. I was somewhat surprised. My first thought was that someone had grouped a lot of bins together, and set them on fire. Ween had a look, and corrected me: no, this was a car.

After calling the police and fire services (they already knew) I took the pictures, and then sat back to watch the proceedings. The police came first, and then the fire service, and relatively swiftly they got it put out. About twenty minutes ago a couple of nice police chappies knocked on my door and had a word. They don't think it's suspicious, which is nice.

Horrible thing for the owner, but serves them right for parking on the road and not using the car park three metres away though. *evil grin*

Nicked from Stu.

1. My ex is still…quite scary actually.

2. I am listening to…Mark failing to fix the hand-dryer.

3. Maybe I should…go on an Open University course

4. I love…procrastinating

5. My bestfriend(s)….all live in exotic places across the country, and we rarely speak nowadays.

6. I dont understand… all the fuss about Big Brother.

7. I lost respect for…The Chairman, when while publically relating how valuable I was to the company, he gave a detailed account of someone else's job.

9. The meaning of my screen name is…a naked Grecian statue, but I really chose it after a pair of shoes.

10. Love is…not getting your way, but not minding.

11. Somewhere, someone is…dying.

12. I will always…have an irritating habit of chewing my knuckles.

13. Forever seems…too short, somehow.

14. I never ever want to lose…my way home.

15. My mobile phone is…not really necessary.

16. When I woke up this morning…my head hurt.

17. I get annoyed at…people who don't say thank you when you hold the door open for them.

18. Parties are..pretty dull affairs.

19. My pets…often get in the way.

20. Kisses are…..great when not chocolate.

Reply.

I probably shouldn't post customer emails on my blog, but what the hell. I responded to Calendar Girl, and got a reply... (EDIT: My response first, in blue)

Thank you for your email, and for your interest in our products. I do hope that you will accept my apologies for any inconvenience that your concerns may have caused.

All of our Calendars follow the international standard ISO 8601, which is an international standard for date and time representations.

We do of course appreciate that in various locations across the world, different people see the week as starting and ending on different days. For example, in some countries, such as Iran, the week is considered to start on a Saturday. Of course, as you correctly point out, in many countries Sunday is seen as the start of the week, as the Sabbath takes place on Saturday.

We follow the ISO and European tradition of the week starting on a Monday in order to provide consistency within the agreed standards.

If you would like to learn more about ISO 8601, please visit the ISO website, at http://www.iso.org/iso/en/prods-services/popstds/datesandtime.html

Thank you again for your interest in our products, and for contacting us on this issue.

Her response...

Thankyou for your very prompt and courteous reply and the information on the website of the ISO 8601. Having read the content of the website I feel very saddened and dispondant that the world is taking this step. The implecations and consequences and indeed ramifications go beyond words. Mankind is sinking deeper into the abyss. Thankyou again and may God bless you and your family over Christmas and into the new year.

PS Thankfully we live in the year of Our Lord, AD 2006, of which the world acknowleges from His birthdate, even if they dont want to agree with it. He is soverign. Amen.

Days of our Lives.

An email sent to your friendly neighbourhood Kouros (speeling mastikes not mine)...

Dear XYZ Publishing,

Recently I received one of your calanders (Britain 07) as a gift. Thought you may be interested to be informed that the first day of the week is SUNDAY. Perhaps you can amend this state of ignorance as it has rendered this calander useless.

There are various reasons why most calendars start on Monday and not Sunday... but we all of course work to our own internal week structure. My week starts on a Monday, because that's when I wake up and have to start being a grown up again.

Christians, Jews and Muslims often see Sunday as the start of the week, Saturday being the sabbath. Oddly, apparently Iranians see the start of the week as Saturday, their weekend consisting of Friday.

When does your week start?

Christmas Cards.

*phone rings, and your friendly neighbourhood Kouros answers it*

"Good afternoon, XYZ Publishing"

"Hello, yes. I wonder if you could send me a Christmas Card?"

"I'm sorry, we only publish guidebooks to places like..."

"Yes, I know. I bought one from you last year, and it was very good. I wonder if you can send me a Christmas Card to say thank you?"

"..."

Mild.

Why is the weather always mild, and what does it mean? Examples include, but are not limited to, Brr.... it's a bit mild out today, or Cor, it's mild. (*loosens tie*).

Do people just apply the term to whatever they want, or is it a catch all?

Grumblemuttergrumble.

So far this weekend, I have....

1. Lost the game, and so have you

2. Lost Nanowrimo, simply because I am not satisfied with the direction the story is going, and want to go back to change some fundamental aspects of it. If I do that I won't complete it in time, but if I don't I'll end up rewriting the whole thing anyway after the end of the month because it's so crap. So I'm seeing it as an education - I like to get the details right, which isn't necessarily wrong, but it just isn't right for this.

3. Been left alone with a strangers three or four* year old kid at the swimming pool changing rooms. She was a really good conversationalist. Her name was Isobel.

4. Made a Poppy Appeal lady cry. I didn't punch her on the nose or anything... I think that they were nice tears, but I'm not entirely sure.


*Or thereabouts.

Um, I think you've just proved that they haven't...

I'm still procrastinating over Nanowrimo. At least I still have a few days of annual leave to use up if I need it.

Anyway, while procrastinating, I came across this story, about the protestors at the Didcot power station.

My favourite quote came from the plant manager. He says:-

"I think they've made their point now, we must get on and continue with the
business." - John Rainford

So they've made their point, but you must get on with the business they are protesting over? I feel that the ball is not in your court.

Gah.

A complete lack of access to the old muse today. I'm stuck around 2500, when I should be closer to 3500, if not higher. And most of that is tosh, there are even a few uncompleted sentences in there too.

Muttermuttergrumblemutter.

1000!

Yay! 2% and gaining!

Actually, I think this could be doable. I had wanted to write about 2000 words a day, and I still could, but I think I will only just hit target today. Maybe I just haven't got into the swing of it yet.

What I am finding difficulty with is not rereading everything I have already put down. I am painfully aware that while I am happy with the structure, I am not content with the prose itself. I know that I will end up rewriting this, and assuming I hit 50,000 I will eventually need to pull the wordcount down to around 30k - not because of bloat, but simply because it needs tidying up.

If nothing else, this is probably going to be quite an education. And I better go do some proper work now.

Nanowrimo.

And so it starts! Woo!

(I'm stuck already)

Outline.

OK, so the more astute will have gathered from the link to the left that I have signed up for Nanowrimo.

Yesterday I suggested that I have had an idea for a while that I wanted to expand. Part of Nanowrimo's rules are that the novel must be started on the 1st of November... but plot outlines are allowed (and encouraged). I am trying very hard to not mentally start writing the prose, and stick to gathering information.

That said, I do have a rough idea for each stage of the novel. I know my protagonist's name, what he will encounter (to an extent) and to a degree I also know the geography of the setting... though the reasons for that may become apparent in the tale itself.

A few months ago, as I was trying to get over my fear of flying, I started to write a novel following the HMS Pickle. I even said as much in my blog here. This will not be that story. This story is somewhat named after a ship as well, though this ship is fictional, and I am putting it to another use... it was just the inspiration.

I imagine that over the course of November that I won't be blogging very much, and instead focusing on Nanowrimo. Not that I ever blog that often anyway, of course. I may use this space as an outlet, or to hack out ideas, and at various junctures I may post bits of my project here, unless of course I am very unhappy with it, in which case it will never see the light of day.

So, what can I tell you? Not much, without spoiling it. There are dragons (but not that sort) and the protagonist is called Mathúin and I'm looking forward to getting to know him. The title? Heahengel. There might be a sword involved somewhere, and someone may get hung, but I haven't quite decided yet and probably won't until I get there. The character in question probably has a 50/50 chance of survival, so pray for them, won't you?

That all said, please don't think of it as a fantasy fiction tale it's more of a... well, you'll have to wait and see (and kick me if I lapse, and stop writing).

Nanowrimo.

Last year a few bloggers took part in Nanowrimo, whereby you attempt to complete a 50,000 word novella before the end of the month of November, starting only after the 1st of the aforementioned month.

At the time, I didn't take part because of two factors:

1. I wasn't convinced that I would be able to put the required time into the project.
2. I have a habit of rewriting anything seven or eight times (after several weeks of planning) before it becomes anything I am remotely satsified with.

For the latter reason in particular, most of my writing up until now has largely been in the form of very short stories. However I have had one really BIG idea running through my head for the last few years, and while I haven't fixed any key details down, I do find myself daydreaming a few aspects of it from time to time. I'm not convinced that I can still write anything without going back over it repeatedly yet, but I could give it a shot.

The former reason has become irrelevant. My job is so dull and quiet that I think I could easily put in the hours inbetween tasks. Not skiving, but being a little more productive than reading BBC News fifteen times a day.

I haven't signed up yet... should I?

Things Wot Occurred.

Today I have seen:

Someone decide to not park in the free, perfectly sized space, left vacant at the side of the road, but rather instead park on the almost exactly car-length of double yellow lines next to it.

Today I joined:

The 21st Century. Yes, I now have an MP3 player. No crappy iPod for me, no siree, I have a "free" Sandisk Sansa m230 which I got for joing Napster or something. I now have a larger variety of music in my car, and no need to worry about that black spot from my drive into work where I lose radio signal.

Today I have:

Found out I didn't get the job. Bugger. Apparently it was "close" and well, I knew I screwed up one bit when the fire alarm went off, so hey-ho.

Tip of the Day.

Always remember, do not drop brand new, extra large bottles of Olive Oil on tiled kitchen floors.

That was a bugger and a half to tidy up.

Interesting.

So today was the big day, the day of the presentation, the day of the day-long interview, the day of pretending I'm really interested in the job when frankly I'm not entirely sure.

Today was also the day that everyone else got to meet the potential buyer for XYZ Publishing.

So what can I say, today went... OK. As well as any other interview, I guess. Good points, bad points, you know the drill and I won't bore you with it.

What is more interesting is that which I missed out on. The buyer is apparently... "nice." He wants to keep my office open (whether that means I would even have a positions there, or even doing something akin to what I want to do is another matter), and he even wants to keep the office open in Orange.

He buys quite a few publishing companies, and has quite a Portfolio. He likes to ensure they keep their own identity. And anything anyone can say, is that seems quite "nice."

Which is nice.

Telemarketers.

Long blog on its way. If you want to read a good rant, print it off and take it to the loo with you.... I hate 'em (not loos, but telemarketers). I hate that they do what they do, and I'm about to tell you why. The transcriptions are from memory, but are (more or less) how things happened.

Yesterday at work...

Me: "Good afternoon, XYZ Publishing..."

Other: "Sorry, I have the wrong number."

Me: "OK then, bye."

After about, oooh, five or six of these, all from different people, I started to think something was amiss. So before hanging up, I asked:-

Me: "Who are you trying to get a hold of?"

Other: "My mum."

Me: "Really? OK then, bye..."

A bit of digging revealed that they were calling from (or on behalf of) Bowater Home Improvements, and when they realised they were calling a business line, they gave the standard excuse, and hung up.

Let's see if we can get them to stop.

Other: "Sorry, wrong number."

Me: "I don't think it is. You're calling from Bowater Home Improvement and you're trying to sell me something."

Other: "...yes."

Me: "Can you remove this number from your list?"

Other: "You'll need to call another number to do that."

Me: "Will I? OK, what's the number?"

So I hang up (after getting the number, and before saying goodbye) and call it. Add the number to their do not call list, and look forward to a productive afternoon.

Then the phone rings.

Me: "Good afternoon, XYZ Publishing..."

Other: "Sorry, wrong number."

Me: "I don't think it is. You're calling from Bowater Home Improvement and you're trying to sell me something. I have just called your other line to get this number removed from your database."

Other: "Oh, that can take a while to work"

Me: "Can it really. What's your Managing Director's name?"

Other: "I... Why do you... I can't give you that, why do you want it?"

Me: "I am intending to make a formal complaint addressed to him. We have had about ten calls from you this afternoon, which is verging on harrassment."

Other: "You... I can pass you to my manager?"

Me: "I'd much rather not waste my time. What's your name? I would like to get my details correct in the complaint."

Other: "You're going to complain about me?"

Me: "Yes. So far you have lied to me, and you are now refusing to co-operate in allowing me to address the problem. Do you appreciate how much time has been wasted in dealing with your cold calls today?"

Other: "No, I cannot appreciate that."

And then he hung up. He hung up!

Not to worry, someone else called a few seconds later. Poor them: I was angry now. So I did what any rational person would do.

Other: "Sorry, wrong num..."

Me: "Sorry to butt in, but I can put you through to the correct number, please hold."

And then I got my mobile phone out, loaded up the ringtones, and played them the Knightrider theme, repeatedly. A few minutes later, they were still holding, so I hung up on them.

In the meantime, a colleague got (yet another) call from the same folks. Being much calmer than I, he took the opportunity to discuss the situation with the line manager who refused to believe there was anything wrong with their system that allowed the same number to be called repeatedly, but agreed to get it removed from their database "immediately" though we may still get a few more calls.

An hour later, they ceased. Between us we estimate that we took over forty calls from these people, and not one of them admitted that they were cold calling unless we prompted them. Probably not technically illegal, but damned annoying.

So you see, I hate telemarketers.

Look at me! I'm still alive!

My God, I've been a bit rubbish about the whole blogging situation (or actually being around situation) of late, haven't I?

Well, I'm still here, which is nice, and I have the second interview which follows up from this one on Tuesday.

I think at some point I said I was "bricking it" before that one. How pathetic for a one hour interview. This one on the other hand starts at 09:00, finishes at 17:00, includes giving a ten minute presentation to people I haven't met, with a twenty minute question and answer session after it.

Oh shit. The presentation has to be on

“ What change would you like to make in your current/most previous area of work to improve its overall effectiveness?”

Which should be relatively straightforward at least, and a genuine concern is that I limit myself to ten minutes. I think I'll focus on communication, and how the lack thereof affects employee engagement as well as consumer relations yadda yadda.

The day also includes various solo and team "activities" (I bet that the Beer Game will be in there somewhere) and the dress code is informal, which is at least something to look forward to.

Ah well, it's all good practice I suppose.

Elephant.

So Banksy painted an Elephant and placed it in a mocked up living room, claiming it represented world poverty.

Whether this was or wasn't his true intention has become irrelevant, the elephant's welfare is now the source of debate and discussion after its ordeal with being covered in "non-toxic" paint.

I think they may have just proved Banksy's point.

Go figure.

This morning I have mostly been playing with Opera as an alterative to IE and Firefox. I wrote a blog extolling its virtues and how I am tempted to move across to it as my browser of choice.

And then I opened up a new tab, and visited this website.

Opera crashed and I lost my blog.

Whiteboard.

I can't immediately see a use for this, but it looks fun!

Solution.

The mystery toy from yesterday is a chin-up bar. I've been suffering from a bad back of late, and someone recommended that I try one, just to hang from.

The middle bits fold out to hang on the door frame, while your weight from the top bar pushes the lower bar against the doorframe, supporting some of the downward force. Takes seconds to put up or take down.

The intention is that when my back is feeling a little stronger I may be able to actually do some chin-ups on them... But we'll see.

Oh, and if anyone plays the game, you've just lost. Fnar.

New Toy.

Can you guess what it is?

Best News Ever.

Read the first paragraph, then skip to the end.

Typical BBC attention to detail.

Widget.

Oooh. Lookit. A test thingummy.

Things Wot I Have Done.

As per Stu and DoGGa. Those in bold are those I have completed.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain - Pen Y Fan and Snowdon
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
09. Hugged a tree - Yes, though I'm not entirely sure why I did now
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise - Still never done this, still mean to
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa (now closed to the public) - been there, couldn't walk it
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip on a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Got drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope.
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment - yes, and usually in meetings
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight.
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can - same as Stu (driving to work), and then back home again
32. Held a lamb - I imagine pieces of lamb don't count
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced - and been taken care of too. Not proud.
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign.
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach.
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken for longer than when you were in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day - Not as much fun as you might think
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents - thankfully not yet
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country - I expect France doesn't count
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds - Yes, though I imagine this isn't what is meant here.
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane - funnily enough, yes!
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart - Sadly yes
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol - all three
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse - and a camel! But not at the same time...
119. Had major surgery - depends what you consider to be major.
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states - Well, the U.S is forren and I've only been twice so yes.
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days - 100 mile canoe test (twice!)
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper - and a few other times
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions - hasn't been one yet, or at least not one they've told me about
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts - not in its entireity. Always started from a bought PC and expanded in a hideous Frankenstinian direction
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head - a bit tamer now
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone’s life

Baraculous.

With reference to Rich's rather weak joke the other day, there's a similar email going round at the moment - you know the sort, a mocked up BBC news item roughly the same text and BA's head in the image space.

We showed the image to a 20-year-old temp we have working here, and her reply: "Yeah, I heard about that."

US:"Sorry, what? Have you even looked at it?"

HER:"Yeah. BA has cancelled their flights."

US:"Did you look at the picture?"

HER:"Yes. It's a black man."

US:"It's BA! BA Baracus!"

HER:"Who?"

US:"The A-Team?"

HER:"Who?"


I suddenly feel old.

A Slightly Smaller Gap.

Interview went fine, ish. First test (numerical reasoning) was, well, reasonable (but bloody hard). Second test (problem solving) was OK, I think (also bloody hard).

But still doesn't feel "right". Not in a "I really think I could do a good job and be happy here" kind of way. That, and exams are evil.

Glad I've got the second interview at Company B now.

Nerves Of Steel.

About four hours to go until the big interview.

I believe that the correct term is "bricking it."

A slightly bigger gap.

While sending emails back and forth confirming the interview for friday, another one pops up offering an interview for someone else next week... one that (if truth be told) I'm slightly more interested in.

Fuck me, it's a funny old world.

A Gap In The Clouds.

Funny how things can happen, seemingly instantaneously, which have the prospect of turning your life around.

E4 aired the episode of Scrubs last week where much is made of Doctor Kelso's ability to walk home without the weight of the day on his shoulders, much to the annoyance of everyone else. Something at the back of my mind clicked; that's how I could be, how I was. Putting every effort into the daily routine, but not letting it trouble me or affect the all important home life. Make the tough arguments, work hard, but (and this is the important part) live.

So I start singing along to Mr. Bojangles (yes, THAT version) and Lose Yourself on my way to work (it's an eccentric mix tape, but it works for me) and while in the words of Homer Simpson, "I hate my job", I am starting to get home with a smile on my face.

Or at least I was, until today. For some reason I drove home wondering why none of the recruitment agencies had managed to acquire a single interview. Am I really that unemployable... Maybe I have been of late. Buck your ideas up boyo!

Step in the front door, dump keys and wallet on table, pull phone out of pocket and plug in to recharge when, (and this is where luck steps in) I notice someone is calling. The phone is on silent. I don't recognise the number.

It's the employment agency. Bless them.

I have an interview on Friday.

It's a three hour beast of an interview... And I'm kinda looking forward to it, though you might want to check that with me again Friday morning. But for now, at least, the smile on my face is slightly bigger.

Help!

Not a Henry type of Help, but 'please help I'm a bit stuck'.

All of a sudden, the display on my PC has gone a bit haywire. Everything functions, but some images, well, just don't display right. It's most noticeable in web browsers... any web browser, but seems to be the case outside of it as well.

The problem:-

• Graphics look "blocky" - for example, the Google logo has definite lines of transition between one shade of blue/yellow/red to the next, rather than a smooth flow.
• Lines lack definition. for example, PVP is pixellated, rather than fluid pen strokes.

And more but you get the general gist. It's almost as if I am running with too few colours. But I'm not - settings are set to true color.

Attempts to correct this include:-

• Changing the display properties
• Upgrading the graphics card display driver
• Rebooting (always worth a shot)
• Checking all connections

Any ideas?

Parts.

In this weeks newsletter directed towards perusers of the B3ta website, there is a section detailing readers weird stories from any experiences they may have had in the catering trade. Mostly they are intended to mock either the staff, owers, or clientele of such places as where catering may take place. Taken from that self same B3ta newsletter...

  * Back room car parts
  "In the pub I worked in, we had a back room
  with no bar that could be let out to private
  parties. A regular booking was for the
  Morris Minor Owners Club. I found out one of
  the favourite pastimes for this group was
  'guess the part.' They'd pass round a black
  velvet bag with a part from a Morris Minor
  in it, each member would feel inside the bag
  without looking and write down what they
  thought it was. There were ten rounds..."

Maybe it's just me, but that kinda sounds like fun.

I'll stop stealing stuff from other websites and post something original soon, promise.

I win.

Sorry, nobody recognised the books in question. They were all copies of this fine text.

*pockets the fiver*

Photograph.

I'm hoping this counts for Stu's Tuesday challenge... maybe it counts for Tuesday Challenge No. 1 as well, I don't know.

This was taken from my desk at work... if any of you recognise the books in question I will send you a fiver. On a similar note, the more astute will notice I haven't been too active of recent times, only commenting on blogs here and there. Things have been a bit, well, weird for wont of a better phrase but sorting themselves out again now. Back to my jovial self.

Which is nice.

Moan.

OK, it's been a few days since I've moaned about work. It's not proactive. It doesn't help me get a new job, but it does feel good.

This morning we received the following email.

-----
FROM: The Managing Director
TO: The Whole Jelly Factory


Although there hasn't been much media attention, you may have overheard that there is a football knock-about later today which starts at 5pm!! Just in case any of you should be interested in watching it, please feel free to leave from 4pm onwards this afternoon.
-----

Yay! We get to leave work early!

Except I don't, because I don't watch football.

Yep. If I wanted to nip down the pub and have a pint with my mates I would be allowed to leave early today, but because I don't like watching grown men run after a pig's bladder I get to stay here.

While other people who couldn't give two hoots have now long gone home, I'm sat here twiddling my thumbs because someone from my department has to be here until close of play. Sick joke? Maybe, especially considering how I have had to put up with people whinging that the time given isn't nearly enough to get home, changed, and down the pub in.

And the really funny part? I came in early this morning after waking up at four due to the smoke alarm deciding that then would be a good time to tell me the batteries needed changing. I figured that I might as well be productive rather than mope around at home until the usual time for departure.

*Bleep* them. *Bleep* them in their stupid asses.

Models.

I thought I would have a go at Stu's model picture technique.




I don't think I've got it quite right. 

Something went wrong.

This blog is likely to be a bit moany for a week or two. Sorry.

Last Friday was "month end" at work, while I was away. For month end, all outstanding orders need to be processed, even if stock is not yet available (this is so Agents are paid their commission for their legwork) alongside all consignment invoices etc.

Today I have been batting off agents who are missing commission on orders sent in at the tail end of last week. They are missing commission because the folk left here were not able to complete all the orders on time - there simply wasn't enough hours in the day.

What happens when we are one person down permanently, which is in just three weeks time now? And are the remainder of of us never allowed another holiday, less the situation escalates? Maybe this should indicate to TPTB that while hard workers we are, we are thoroughly understaffed. But I doubt it.

Twunts.

Not so Hurrah.

OK... Like in any good meeting, apologies first.

I haven't had the opportunity to blog since I've been back, so sorry for that. Things have been, well, somewhat odd. The holiday blog will follow, but not until this weekend.

My first day back, Tuesday, consisted of a drive in with a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. A sense of foreboding if you will. I had images in my mind of arriving at work to be advised that I had been made redundant. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not really all that convenient either.

I walked into the office to face utter silence. No laughter like normal, no phones rang, and no one acknowledged my presence for a few moments... Not a good start. Was the redundancy coming my way?

Turns out while I had been away, we had had some news. The board had been approached with a bid from an unspecified consortium to buy out the company - I knew about this before I left - but now we were being told it had been rejected. Cause for celebration? Not really.

All performance related salary rises had been put on hold while the bid was in progress. They have now been put on hold for a further six months. This is in addition to the previous twelve months while the company went through a "rocky" patch.

My colleague, Debby, has announced she has been offered a new job, and has accepted - this is great news. I am delighted for her, and I am not just writing that to look good, I really am pleased for her. She was underpaid and under respected.

However, this causes a problem for me as she is not going to be replaced. I do not mean this in a "we will never find anyone as good as Debby" way. The company has decided that they are not going to hire anyone to replace her.

In essence that means that a department that once had eight people in it now just has three as various other people have been replaced, quit, or made redundant in the last few months. Within my sector this has dwindled from four people just three years ago, down to one person looking after all book sales, cash sales, sundry sales, marketing distribution, consignment accounts, agent commission and warehousing. That one person is me.

To say I'm not happy is an understatement. Today I had a chat with AP (whom I have blogged about before - great girl, and it's not her fault) basically laying down my cards. I see no long term future with the company. I will continue to give my 100% while I am there, but be it in one months time or twenty-four, one day I will leave.

I feel betrayed. I joined the company being told I was on a graduate training scheme, but three years later I am still inputting orders and answering telephones in the same customer services role I was effectively in thirty-six months ago. I have been given so many promises, yet only now I realise that none of them have been fulfilled. I was told I would get the chance to work in editorial when the opportunity arose - the chief editor found a suitable role for me, and wants me to work there, but she has been turned down time and again.

I feel betrayed.

I have been given projects to manage. But not the time to manage it in, only to see them taken away and given to a consultancy firm who charge twice as much as my annual wage per year each month. Give me the opportunity, and I could do what they do with twice as much pazazz, but time isn't unlimited.

I feel betrayed.

I have been complemented time after time for my customer care but never once given a pay rise or promotion.

I feel betrayed.

And today I learn I will be moving backwards - any interesting aspect of my job will now be taken away from me, while I struggle to maintain the workload of two. I will be little more than an overpaid answering machine and data input device. I have been told as much as that I will not be made redundant, as I am too vital - but not vital enough than to be any more than a nut on a cog.

I have been betrayed.

Hurrah!

Well, it appears we made it safe and sound after all - so much worry for nothing. I felt quite ill on the morning of departure, but when we got on the plane it all got rather comfortable, then we took off and... nothing. I felt fine again. It was most peculiar.




I do need to blog proper at some point soon about the holiday, but for now enjoy a few of snaps to the right and wait for me to come back with how I hobknobbed with the rich and famous (no, really) had a lovely time but still came back without a suntan from a country enjoying 30+ degree weather, and lost the lottery.

Teh Fear Reviewed.

Tomorrow we fly, and I still don't want to.

I've read Flying Without Fear - it's a great book, it really is, and it did solve many of my nagging issues... but I still don't really want to fly. I've tried taking my mind off the problem, and to an extent that worked. I didn't finish writing the story of HMS Pickle, but maybe I will when I get back... or is that tempting fate?

In twentyfiveandahalf hours time, we take off, and in twentyeightandahalf hours time we should land safely in Catania. If you hear of any nasty flight-based incidents in that timeframe, and it just happens to be mine, Simon's mum can have the cats. Omally, you can keep the pump. Lois, the lycra is in the top drawer next to the bed. Stu, don't forget to walk the dog. el10t, if you don't mind just leaving my post in the porch, that will be fine. Everyone else can fight over the collection of, ahem, "glossy" mags.

But most importantly, see you all next week!

Dreams.

For the last few years I've been thinking about taking some time out, and cycling around the country - as near as I can to the coast without being stupid, that is. It's just a fanciful daydream I use to pass the time while I drive to work really. In reality there are a number of things stopping me.

• Backup - someone would need to travel with me, ideally following by car, or going ahead to book accomodation and to be there for accidents etc.
• Time - getting that amount of time off work would not be easy
• Money - Bills still need to be paid, and equipment would need to be purchased, especially a fairly serious upgrade to the bike(s)

So in my heart of hearts, I know it's never going to happen, but I can dream. I like to drive to work thinking of the day I win the lottery (though I never play) where I can buy myself all the bits and pieces I would need, a Defender for my backup team(!) to follow me in, and just enjoy the experience.

What do you dream about? Will you achieve it?

EDIT: Whoops. Comments enabled again now. Sorry!

Fucking Stupid.

Apologies for swearification. In this case it's justified, because I am as above.

Note to self: When writing speculative letters of application to publishing companies, make sure to read for typos very, very carefully.

D'oh! And Grrrr!

Now that's an idea...

I've just read something I thought I would share.

"Instead of a minute's silence for rememberance, we should offer a minute's raptuous applause."

Something to think about, at least.

Sarcasm.

I am very fortunate to work with a lovely woman called Pat on a Monday and Tuesday of each week. She very kindly teaches us the ways of the world, which include the fact that men who wish to look after children other than their own are inherently "weird" to the point of paedophilia. This we can only assume include male scout leaders, primary school teachers etc.

Contrarily, she today advised us that there is nothing wrong with someone who chooses* to hire someone else to bring up their children, to talk to the children at dinner time, and to entertain the children while they sit outside. As long as that person isn't a man.


* as opposed to being placed into a position by work commitments, family issues, etc. This may be narrowed down to the very wealthy, one assumes.

< /sarcasm >

I should probably note I have nothing against Nannies - I do have something against people who are so stuck inside their own little bubble that they mistake stereotypes for, as she put it, DNA. I also have something against people who complain loudly in queues that they shouldn't have to wait because they "have a child to look after" when it is undeniable that the child is being currently entertained by the Nanny and is perfectly happy.

WIP.

Today I have been mostly playing with Google's new toy, SketchUp. The results are still pretty much work in progress, but I think it's one of those things that I will keep returning to, tweaking little bits here and there, and never really be finished as such.

A few views:-





Or (and I highly recommend this) download SketchUp, and have a nose around. You can download the file for my house here. You need to tap in the code at the bottom of the screen and hit "submit".

There aren't many plants in yet, but I have added a nod to Rex Whistler. 100 points to anyone who spots what it is, because it might be a toughie. Points can be redeemed at all participating retailers.

Conspiracy.

A conspiracy I tell thee. Karma is conspiring against me.

Why? My car has broken down again* and I bet it's going to cost a gazillion pounds to fix. And I can't afford to pay for it because I've just paid for

It to be fixed the last time (two days ago)
My car insurance (yesterday)
Our holiday (today)

Which leaves approximately a lot of money in debt. It appears that unless I change my name to Earl, Karma is going to carry on being a right old sod.

* The ABS light has just come on. I can carry on driving it and it'll brake just fine, but it's still there, taunting me with it's yellowy glowiness. It knows something I don't, the bastard.

Ethics.

The "good book" I mentioned I was reading on the train in an earlier blog was The Rough Guide to Ethical Shopping. It was (somewhat surprisingly) mostly well balanced between the snap judgement idea of "ethics" and longer term ramifications, but I can't help but think it raises many more questions than any book could answer in 350 pages.

Of course all multi-national companies aren't inherently evil. They exist, and occasionally they do some very dubious things, but a lot of the big brands try to do something to counter this.

I am reminded of my struggle with Tesco. They exist, and me boycotting it really won't have much effect - in fact, I am certain that they have regained my missing profits through new customers many hundredfold over in the time I have been avoiding their doors. I mock people when they announce their intentions to shop their, and they usually reply that they have very little choice in the matter - that is both the point, and utterly incorrect. There are alternatives - they just might not always be seen.

I avoid Tesco for very petty reasons, but the more I learn of them, the more I become determined not to darken their aisles again. This is probably partly to justify within my own mind not returning there, but also because I genuinely don't like some of their practices.

But what are the ramifications of this? Do I roll these same personal judgements against other
businesses, and where do I stop?

Do I stop buying Organic veg grown abroad - or anything for that matter - because of the pollution caused by the transportation of something I really do not need?

Or do I keep buying it, helping to support the workers who produce what I want?

Do I stop buying it, because my custom is merely supporting a trade which destroys commerce on a local level, both within the farflung country and within these merry shores?

The truth of the matter is that I do try to buy local, and I do try to buy organic. We've started with a box scheme, and we walk to the butchers each week. We're lucky that we even have a Fishmonger on the market now, a trade which seems to be slowing dying off. We still shop at a supermarket - Waitrose - but only for bits and pieces we can't get elsewhere. I keep an eye on the country of origins nowadays, and am always surprised (check out the fresh herbs, they're always worth a giggle).

But is this necessarily the right thing to do? Sure, my food is fresher, better for me, and better for my local community. But what about the man I cannot see? I wonder if the missing penny from my custom will ever be replace, let alone a hundredfold over.

I simplify of course. I could add oil (the petrol for the delivery of my weekly box must come into cnsideration), cotton, man-made fibres, peat, free-range food, even rice into the mix, but I'm sure you get the gist.

We do define our own lines in life. I guess I'm just finding mine. I do know this, though: my line still does not go near Tesco.

Anyway, enough of this. Have a cat.

Email.

From: Kouros
Sent: 27 April 2006 16:31
To: AE
Subject: CW and Email

Hi AE,
Just so that you are aware, there is a file that AP has sent CW which he cannot get into (blog note: AP is on annual leave throughout the course of this conversation). I requested that he send it to me to make sure there is nothing wrong with it, and then I would send him back instructions on opening it - however, I am concerned that he did not understand.

I did talk him through forwarding the email on to me, but he did seem very vague when I spoke with him and the email from him has not arrived.

If he happens to speak with you, please can you ask him to send the file to me? I cannot check the details for him otherwise.

Best regards,
Kouros

-----

From: AE
Sent: 28 April 2006 15:10
To: AP
Cc: Kouros
Subject: FW: CW and Email

Hello AP
Can you please send a hard copy of this file to CW.
Many thanks
Regards
AE.

-----

From: Kouros
Sent: 28 April 2006 15:14
To: AE
Subject: RE: CW and Email

Hi AE,
Do we know what this file is yet? AP may have sent more than one file to CW...
All the best,
Kouros

------

From: AE
Sent: 28 April 2006 15:22
To: Kouros; AP
Subject: RE: CW and Email

Hello Kouros
No. AP, can you advise please.
Regards
AE.



*bangs head against keyboard repeatedly until the pretty stars arrive and everything is calm again*

This.

For the first time this week, I drove to work, but more on that in a moment.

Firstly, it's no secret I am quite the fan of B3ta - I reckon most people who read this are likely to have perused it once or twice at least. In my honest opinion, it's gone a bit downhill - not a fault of anyone in particular, maybe just the regulars being either taken for granted or moving on to bigger and better hings.

This is probably the best thing I've seen there for a while. It plucks at the heartstrings, and I'm even allergic to rabbits so find it hard to feel sad for the fuckers when I run over them.

Back to the bike - As above, I drove to work today. It was nice waking up at the same time I would be getting on the train, and not actually getting up until I would have been nearing Salisbury. Swings and roundabouts.

In the end the bill came to £250 - for new shocks (both sides), springs (both sides) and top mount (whatever that is). The nice chappie at ATS knocked off the labour charge, probably because we had a good moan together about how everyone is so "service expectant" nowadays that when things are out of the service persons control the customer expects an above-relative kickback.

The irony is that because I gave him a shoulder to whinge on, I did get an above-relative kickback.

Meh. I make up for it in the day job. My favourites did include the day I taught someone how to use Google* but my number one spot is currently filled by today's experience. Before the bell tolled I spent a goodly portion of my working day trying explain to a sales agent how to forward an email.

Yes.

How to forward an email.

They had received an email from a colleague with an attachment they couldn't open. They couldn't or wouldn't tell me what the attachment was, so I asked them to forward it - expecting it was a PDF format, or maybe a spreadsheet, and I could give a relatively simple solution.

But no. They couldn't grasp the concept of clicking on "Forward" and then typing in my email address. And despite the fact that I did not send them the email, that they are not a direct employee of either myself or the company I work for, this was MY FAULT.

I don't claim to be an IT wizard. In fact, I know I am severely lacking. I am a whole evolutionary gap below Stu. But there is surely, in 2006, a base level of proficiency that is necessary before entering a workplace where you will be expected to use computers on a daily basis?

*breathes in*

Cnuts. The lot of 'em.



* I reckon he was just lazy, and wanted me to do the research for him. I sent him false data, and he was praised in front of the board for his hard work. Go figure.

On taking bikes on trains.

1. It's much easier than you might think. Booking isn't really necessary unless you're heading into or out of a big city.
2. The bays allegedly designed for two bikes to rest side by side are *tiny* though, and barely wide enough to get the handlebars in.
3. People trying to get onto the same train you are trying to get off are *rude*. Think, people! If you wait for me to get off before barging on you would have more space than the two inch gap between me, the bike, and the cabin wall. Whatever happened to manners?
4. Trains take bloody ages to get anywhere.
5. And they are expensive too.

The car is still brokefied. Apparently the spring has damaged the shock absorber too - they were going to recommend replacing both shocks, until I pointed out this was done just a year ago. I hope that this won't make the pap-pap a moose to drive.

So for one more day at least I have taken the bike to work. It's actually mostly a pleasant experience, much more so than driving. But getting up at six to get to work for eight (and even that's a half hour earlier than my normal work hours) isn't funny, nor is the wearing of shorts when it's cold outside. I'm just glad it's not January.

On the plus side, I get to watch the deer on the way from the train window, read a good book, cycle past ducks swimming in the river and write a blog before I even start work. That's got to be worth something?

Compromise.

I took the bike on the train.

Pap-pap.

Something on my car went "ping" and then "clunk". I'm not especially technically minded, but those didn't sound like good noises to me, especially since they seemed to come from the direction of one of the wheels.

I took it to the garage, and not wanting to look like a complete numpty I guessed what the problem may be - possibly something to do with the shock absorbers?

Well, it turns out I wasn't a million miles off, as a springy thing attached to the shock absorber had snapped and hung in a downwardly direction looking particularly sad for itself. Chappie at the garage suggested that it would probably not be sensible to drive it too far, and as I was not in much of a position to disagree, I didn't, and left the car with him to mend on Monday when the part comes in.

Which means I do not have a car to get to work with. Or to get home with. Or indeed to go pick the car up with.

I now have a couple of options :-

1. take the train, which goes miles out of the way and takes about two hours to get somewhere that's only a half hour drive away.
2. cadge a lift from someone (reasonable, but I live a long way from anyone else in my office and they would need to go out of their way to pick me up - not something I like making people do).
3. cycle. I guesstimate it's about 17 miles off road, over quite hilly terrain.
   

So I'm off to give my bike the once over. Fingers crossed I'll get to work on time* and that I don't get a puncture on the way**. I'm quite out of practice after plenty of promises last year to ride every day - I haven't ridden more than about 8 miles in any one session, and tomorrow I'll be riding closer to 30 (though hopefully with a snooze at my desk in between).


*Not really that bothered if I don't.
** Not really that bothered if I do, as would provide a nice excuse if I am late.

Herbs.

Or rather: Fake Herbs.

Fake Herbs priced about twice as much as it would cost to buy a pot, some seeds, and grow your own real ones.

Fake Herbs which are completely unusable, and actually don't look all that attractive.

Fake Herbs in the same aisle as the video explaining why you do not need to eat healthily or excercise regularly to lose weight, instead you only need to wear granny knickers.

Is it just me?

Football.

Berlin's tallest building, a television tower, will have a giant 32 metre football placed on top for the World Cup.

As opposed to a normal-sized 32-metre football, of course.

How much?

For what I did with the rest of my day, read the post below. While I was relaxing in the evening, I made this.

I wish. It was made by a very fine artist called Bert Monroy who spent almost a year on the above image.

I've seen the image linked to as "How much RAM does this guy have?"... but how much time does this guy have? The detail on this is amazing, but it still highlights how the human eye recognises CGI as opposed to real images. I could not for an instant believe that this is real.

This isn't a case of suspension of disbelief. In the context of the movie in question, this image is real to me, but maybe only because I know it is unreal. CGI as well, I am aware from the outset it is also a fake, but because it is presented as an unreal image, rather than an attempt to recreate the real world my mind accepts it as true. It is a fiction. As our artists are becoming better (or at least using better tools) at recreating the real world are they losing the sense of detatchment we require to believe in their authenticity?

Kouros Kourosism's Day Off.

What's that? How was my day, you ask?

I tend to waste random days off, usually sat in front of the computer reading some rubbish I would be better off not knowing, or worse still aimlessly wandering around the house looking for something to do. As much as I waste them they are bliss in that I am not in the office doing what I normally do.

*ponders the job*

Where was I? Oh yes... so today was a random day off - there was no particular need for it, I just felt like having one, and by having one I have the benefit that I only have a three day week to go back to. Lovely.

And even better... I didn't waste my day! After a slow start, I eventually caught up with an old friend and we went down the pub for some lunch, then took his two (massive) dogs out for a long walk. They're as big as me* and there are two of them, so they did most of the walking and we tried our best to keep them under control. I should probably explain that his family own a stupidly large house with a stupid garden attached... with a field attached to that. The dogs don't get a walk everyday but rather spend their life chasing rabbits and such like. They get more excercise than your average Labrador and so are quite strong as well as big.

While out walking we chatted a lot about both our plans, and him having just finished (or rather finishing) his degree he blinded me with science and then talked me out of doing something rather silly. I always appreciate him for his honesty and ability to prevent me from getting out of my depth.

That, and I appreciate his fondness of vampire ducks, but that's another story.

Now I am home, and about to start tea... the sun is shining, I have had a nice walk, the house is airing out and I feel... content.

So yes, it's been a great day, thank you.


* No, they weren't Scottish Terriers

Meh.

What have I read?
These are the 25 most popular overall books at What Should I Read Next?

I liked it!

I didn't like it!

I want to read it!

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams

The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger

The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald

To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

1984 - George Orwell

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J.K. Rowling

The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell

The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien

Life of Pi - Yann Martel

Catch-22 - Joseph Heller

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

Lord of the Flies - William Golding

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut

The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card

The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien

Angels and Demons - Dan Brown

Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk

Take the 'What have I read?' test now!
Eight different categories to try!
Buy your books at Amazon US or Amazon UK

Follow-up.

A couple of posts ago, I had a bit of a whinge about how the media doesn't ever seem to follow up its own stories. A current case I mentioned was the Jyllands-Posten controversy.

Considering that it was obviously big news at the time, a World Event if you will, surely it would be sensible to have this on the headlines?

But perhaps not. Except for one small article in the Times, at least in the UK.

I don't want to get into the debate about which side of the line I put myself in this actual story - my only argument is that for better or for worse we should be shown how the story ends, not just how it begins.

Travels.

Considering my fear of flying, I was somewhat surprised to catch up with a good friend from ol' schooldays via Gaim who has been spending the last few months travelling the world.

He's got a fair few stories to tell, and some fantastic photos. Rather than attempt to do them justice, I recommend you go look. They are here and here. His name is Jon, by the way. If you bump into him, tell him I say hello.

Go, now.