Kouros, you know that website we launched a few months ago?
The one that doesn't actually do anything?
Yes. Well, we think it should actually do something now to build our income with a value-added service.
Oh, good.
And we'd quite like you to look after it.
But... I'm not a web designer...
Yes, well we think it would be a good project management exercise.
OK, that's fine. Does the site have any sort of content management system?
Not really.
Do we have anyone in house who can rewrite the site to encorporate the changes?
No.
Do I have a budget to hire anyone?
No. Can I have your project proposal tomorrow please?
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
Toad in the Hole.
"Good afternoon, XYZ Publ..."
"Yes. I'd like to buy some toads in holes."
"I'm sorry, but we are a publishing company, and do not produce food items."
"Then why was I given your number?"
"I'm afraid I cannot answer that, as I do not know. Who passed the number to you, and I'll be sure to let them know?"
"Where can I buy a toad in a hole?"
"I don't know, sorry."
"Well aren't you going to find out for me?"
"No. Good bye now."
*click*
It's been a long day.
"Yes. I'd like to buy some toads in holes."
"I'm sorry, but we are a publishing company, and do not produce food items."
"Then why was I given your number?"
"I'm afraid I cannot answer that, as I do not know. Who passed the number to you, and I'll be sure to let them know?"
"Where can I buy a toad in a hole?"
"I don't know, sorry."
"Well aren't you going to find out for me?"
"No. Good bye now."
*click*
It's been a long day.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Today, I'm Most Angry About:
(Sorry DoGGa, had to pinch your thing)
Today, I'm Most Angry About:
People who stand outside health centre entrances smoking. I go there for a swim, thank you very much, not to come out feeling all good about myself only to breathe in your acrid fumes.
Just because you are so fat, lazy, and wish to die in such an insignificant amount of time that while you drop your sweet little'un off for her dance class it doesn't occur to you to do some exercise yourself it doesn't mean that I, equally, want to share in the sweet, sweet smell of your own demise.*
Failing that, I'll wait outside when you come to pick up your cherub, and spit red wine on you. See how you like it.
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 6/10 On the whole, I'm not an angry person (though my blog may suggest otherwise). I'm quite surprised how much this made me fume.
* Yes, I appreciate the irony. I'm trying to give up the booze, honest.
Today, I'm Most Angry About:
People who stand outside health centre entrances smoking. I go there for a swim, thank you very much, not to come out feeling all good about myself only to breathe in your acrid fumes.
Just because you are so fat, lazy, and wish to die in such an insignificant amount of time that while you drop your sweet little'un off for her dance class it doesn't occur to you to do some exercise yourself it doesn't mean that I, equally, want to share in the sweet, sweet smell of your own demise.*
Failing that, I'll wait outside when you come to pick up your cherub, and spit red wine on you. See how you like it.
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 6/10 On the whole, I'm not an angry person (though my blog may suggest otherwise). I'm quite surprised how much this made me fume.
* Yes, I appreciate the irony. I'm trying to give up the booze, honest.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Ouch.
Holy Mother of Shit!
And we thought we lived in such a nice area... OK, not great, but not terrible either. We are occasionally woken in the early hours by drunken folk stumbling home, losing their way and having the odd argument, but that's about it.
Oh, and Annie who runs the shop, who is far too cheerful by half at five a.m.
So, anyway. Woken this morning by two guys shouting outside. All I could make out was "Fuck...fuck...police! Fuck!" and assuming it was just another drunken argument, I tried to get back to sleep.
And then... Bang... BANG!
Oh, dear. He's been shot! Someone has been shot outside my house, and they're going to die. And then I tried to get back to sleep again. Does that make me a bad person?
But still I could hear the same two voices. Curiosity got the better of me, and I looked. I was somewhat surprised. My first thought was that someone had grouped a lot of bins together, and set them on fire. Ween had a look, and corrected me: no, this was a car.
After calling the police and fire services (they already knew) I took the pictures, and then sat back to watch the proceedings. The police came first, and then the fire service, and relatively swiftly they got it put out. About twenty minutes ago a couple of nice police chappies knocked on my door and had a word. They don't think it's suspicious, which is nice.
Horrible thing for the owner, but serves them right for parking on the road and not using the car park three metres away though. *evil grin*
Oh, and Annie who runs the shop, who is far too cheerful by half at five a.m.
So, anyway. Woken this morning by two guys shouting outside. All I could make out was "Fuck...fuck...police! Fuck!" and assuming it was just another drunken argument, I tried to get back to sleep.
And then... Bang... BANG!
Oh, dear. He's been shot! Someone has been shot outside my house, and they're going to die. And then I tried to get back to sleep again. Does that make me a bad person?
But still I could hear the same two voices. Curiosity got the better of me, and I looked. I was somewhat surprised. My first thought was that someone had grouped a lot of bins together, and set them on fire. Ween had a look, and corrected me: no, this was a car.
After calling the police and fire services (they already knew) I took the pictures, and then sat back to watch the proceedings. The police came first, and then the fire service, and relatively swiftly they got it put out. About twenty minutes ago a couple of nice police chappies knocked on my door and had a word. They don't think it's suspicious, which is nice.
Horrible thing for the owner, but serves them right for parking on the road and not using the car park three metres away though. *evil grin*
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Nicked from Stu.
1. My ex is still…quite scary actually.
2. I am listening to…Mark failing to fix the hand-dryer.
3. Maybe I should…go on an Open University course
4. I love…procrastinating
5. My bestfriend(s)….all live in exotic places across the country, and we rarely speak nowadays.
6. I dont understand… all the fuss about Big Brother.
7. I lost respect for…The Chairman, when while publically relating how valuable I was to the company, he gave a detailed account of someone else's job.
9. The meaning of my screen name is…a naked Grecian statue, but I really chose it after a pair of shoes.
10. Love is…not getting your way, but not minding.
11. Somewhere, someone is…dying.
12. I will always…have an irritating habit of chewing my knuckles.
13. Forever seems…too short, somehow.
14. I never ever want to lose…my way home.
15. My mobile phone is…not really necessary.
16. When I woke up this morning…my head hurt.
17. I get annoyed at…people who don't say thank you when you hold the door open for them.
18. Parties are..pretty dull affairs.
19. My pets…often get in the way.
20. Kisses are…..great when not chocolate.
2. I am listening to…Mark failing to fix the hand-dryer.
3. Maybe I should…go on an Open University course
4. I love…procrastinating
5. My bestfriend(s)….all live in exotic places across the country, and we rarely speak nowadays.
6. I dont understand… all the fuss about Big Brother.
7. I lost respect for…The Chairman, when while publically relating how valuable I was to the company, he gave a detailed account of someone else's job.
9. The meaning of my screen name is…a naked Grecian statue, but I really chose it after a pair of shoes.
10. Love is…not getting your way, but not minding.
11. Somewhere, someone is…dying.
12. I will always…have an irritating habit of chewing my knuckles.
13. Forever seems…too short, somehow.
14. I never ever want to lose…my way home.
15. My mobile phone is…not really necessary.
16. When I woke up this morning…my head hurt.
17. I get annoyed at…people who don't say thank you when you hold the door open for them.
18. Parties are..pretty dull affairs.
19. My pets…often get in the way.
20. Kisses are…..great when not chocolate.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Reply.
I probably shouldn't post customer emails on my blog, but what the hell. I responded to Calendar Girl, and got a reply... (EDIT: My response first, in blue)
Thank you for your email, and for your interest in our products. I do hope that you will accept my apologies for any inconvenience that your concerns may have caused.
All of our Calendars follow the international standard ISO 8601, which is an international standard for date and time representations.
We do of course appreciate that in various locations across the world, different people see the week as starting and ending on different days. For example, in some countries, such as Iran, the week is considered to start on a Saturday. Of course, as you correctly point out, in many countries Sunday is seen as the start of the week, as the Sabbath takes place on Saturday.
We follow the ISO and European tradition of the week starting on a Monday in order to provide consistency within the agreed standards.
If you would like to learn more about ISO 8601, please visit the ISO website, at http://www.iso.org/iso/en/prods-services/popstds/datesandtime.html
Thank you again for your interest in our products, and for contacting us on this issue.
Her response...
Thankyou for your very prompt and courteous reply and the information on the website of the ISO 8601. Having read the content of the website I feel very saddened and dispondant that the world is taking this step. The implecations and consequences and indeed ramifications go beyond words. Mankind is sinking deeper into the abyss. Thankyou again and may God bless you and your family over Christmas and into the new year.
PS Thankfully we live in the year of Our Lord, AD 2006, of which the world acknowleges from His birthdate, even if they dont want to agree with it. He is soverign. Amen.
Thank you for your email, and for your interest in our products. I do hope that you will accept my apologies for any inconvenience that your concerns may have caused.
All of our Calendars follow the international standard ISO 8601, which is an international standard for date and time representations.
We do of course appreciate that in various locations across the world, different people see the week as starting and ending on different days. For example, in some countries, such as Iran, the week is considered to start on a Saturday. Of course, as you correctly point out, in many countries Sunday is seen as the start of the week, as the Sabbath takes place on Saturday.
We follow the ISO and European tradition of the week starting on a Monday in order to provide consistency within the agreed standards.
If you would like to learn more about ISO 8601, please visit the ISO website, at http://www.iso.org/iso/en/prods-services/popstds/datesandtime.html
Thank you again for your interest in our products, and for contacting us on this issue.
Her response...
Thankyou for your very prompt and courteous reply and the information on the website of the ISO 8601. Having read the content of the website I feel very saddened and dispondant that the world is taking this step. The implecations and consequences and indeed ramifications go beyond words. Mankind is sinking deeper into the abyss. Thankyou again and may God bless you and your family over Christmas and into the new year.
PS Thankfully we live in the year of Our Lord, AD 2006, of which the world acknowleges from His birthdate, even if they dont want to agree with it. He is soverign. Amen.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Days of our Lives.
An email sent to your friendly neighbourhood Kouros (speeling mastikes not mine)...
Dear XYZ Publishing,
Recently I received one of your calanders (Britain 07) as a gift. Thought you may be interested to be informed that the first day of the week is SUNDAY. Perhaps you can amend this state of ignorance as it has rendered this calander useless.
There are various reasons why most calendars start on Monday and not Sunday... but we all of course work to our own internal week structure. My week starts on a Monday, because that's when I wake up and have to start being a grown up again.
Christians, Jews and Muslims often see Sunday as the start of the week, Saturday being the sabbath. Oddly, apparently Iranians see the start of the week as Saturday, their weekend consisting of Friday.
When does your week start?
Dear XYZ Publishing,
Recently I received one of your calanders (Britain 07) as a gift. Thought you may be interested to be informed that the first day of the week is SUNDAY. Perhaps you can amend this state of ignorance as it has rendered this calander useless.
There are various reasons why most calendars start on Monday and not Sunday... but we all of course work to our own internal week structure. My week starts on a Monday, because that's when I wake up and have to start being a grown up again.
Christians, Jews and Muslims often see Sunday as the start of the week, Saturday being the sabbath. Oddly, apparently Iranians see the start of the week as Saturday, their weekend consisting of Friday.
When does your week start?
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Christmas Cards.
*phone rings, and your friendly neighbourhood Kouros answers it*
"Good afternoon, XYZ Publishing"
"Hello, yes. I wonder if you could send me a Christmas Card?"
"I'm sorry, we only publish guidebooks to places like..."
"Yes, I know. I bought one from you last year, and it was very good. I wonder if you can send me a Christmas Card to say thank you?"
"..."
"Good afternoon, XYZ Publishing"
"Hello, yes. I wonder if you could send me a Christmas Card?"
"I'm sorry, we only publish guidebooks to places like..."
"Yes, I know. I bought one from you last year, and it was very good. I wonder if you can send me a Christmas Card to say thank you?"
"..."
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Mild.
Why is the weather always mild, and what does it mean? Examples include, but are not limited to, Brr.... it's a bit mild out today, or Cor, it's mild. (*loosens tie*).
Do people just apply the term to whatever they want, or is it a catch all?
Do people just apply the term to whatever they want, or is it a catch all?
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Grumblemuttergrumble.
So far this weekend, I have....
1. Lost the game, and so have you
2. Lost Nanowrimo, simply because I am not satisfied with the direction the story is going, and want to go back to change some fundamental aspects of it. If I do that I won't complete it in time, but if I don't I'll end up rewriting the whole thing anyway after the end of the month because it's so crap. So I'm seeing it as an education - I like to get the details right, which isn't necessarily wrong, but it just isn't right for this.
3. Been left alone with a strangers three or four* year old kid at the swimming pool changing rooms. She was a really good conversationalist. Her name was Isobel.
4. Made a Poppy Appeal lady cry. I didn't punch her on the nose or anything... I think that they were nice tears, but I'm not entirely sure.
*Or thereabouts.
1. Lost the game, and so have you
2. Lost Nanowrimo, simply because I am not satisfied with the direction the story is going, and want to go back to change some fundamental aspects of it. If I do that I won't complete it in time, but if I don't I'll end up rewriting the whole thing anyway after the end of the month because it's so crap. So I'm seeing it as an education - I like to get the details right, which isn't necessarily wrong, but it just isn't right for this.
3. Been left alone with a strangers three or four* year old kid at the swimming pool changing rooms. She was a really good conversationalist. Her name was Isobel.
4. Made a Poppy Appeal lady cry. I didn't punch her on the nose or anything... I think that they were nice tears, but I'm not entirely sure.
*Or thereabouts.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Um, I think you've just proved that they haven't...
I'm still procrastinating over Nanowrimo. At least I still have a few days of annual leave to use up if I need it.
Anyway, while procrastinating, I came across this story, about the protestors at the Didcot power station.
My favourite quote came from the plant manager. He says:-
So they've made their point, but you must get on with the business they are protesting over? I feel that the ball is not in your court.
Anyway, while procrastinating, I came across this story, about the protestors at the Didcot power station.
My favourite quote came from the plant manager. He says:-
"I think they've made their point now, we must get on and continue with the
business." - John Rainford
So they've made their point, but you must get on with the business they are protesting over? I feel that the ball is not in your court.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Gah.
A complete lack of access to the old muse today. I'm stuck around 2500, when I should be closer to 3500, if not higher. And most of that is tosh, there are even a few uncompleted sentences in there too.
Muttermuttergrumblemutter.
Muttermuttergrumblemutter.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
1000!
Yay! 2% and gaining!
Actually, I think this could be doable. I had wanted to write about 2000 words a day, and I still could, but I think I will only just hit target today. Maybe I just haven't got into the swing of it yet.
What I am finding difficulty with is not rereading everything I have already put down. I am painfully aware that while I am happy with the structure, I am not content with the prose itself. I know that I will end up rewriting this, and assuming I hit 50,000 I will eventually need to pull the wordcount down to around 30k - not because of bloat, but simply because it needs tidying up.
If nothing else, this is probably going to be quite an education. And I better go do some proper work now.
Actually, I think this could be doable. I had wanted to write about 2000 words a day, and I still could, but I think I will only just hit target today. Maybe I just haven't got into the swing of it yet.
What I am finding difficulty with is not rereading everything I have already put down. I am painfully aware that while I am happy with the structure, I am not content with the prose itself. I know that I will end up rewriting this, and assuming I hit 50,000 I will eventually need to pull the wordcount down to around 30k - not because of bloat, but simply because it needs tidying up.
If nothing else, this is probably going to be quite an education. And I better go do some proper work now.
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